Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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