How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
