the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
