Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you traded sex for a burrito?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
