Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
