it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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