We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
