I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
