The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
