Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
