Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
