He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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