if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
