Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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