i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
