haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
