You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
