I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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