final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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