My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
