Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
