I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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