It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
