Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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