so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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