i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
