She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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