I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
