You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
4 words: hood of his car
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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