we have pet lesbian snakes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
