I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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