a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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