I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
