sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
