I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
