So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
