Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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