I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
