Where did you get a picture of my penis
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how does that bad decision feel?
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