she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
