i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
