I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
