my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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