So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
