We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
