booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
