wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Enjoy the penises
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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