I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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