we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
