I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
