The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
