We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
