you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How naked do you want me to be?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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