He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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