Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
