im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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